In the Dark of the Night
by shred01
Summary: 5x13 Post-ep. One shot. Complete.


**Title: In the Dark of the Night**

**Author: shred01**

**Spoilers: All US-aired episodes.**

**Summary: My take on what happens after 5x13**

******Disclaimer: I'm just playing with them. Will return when I'm done. Honest.**

The soft smattering of rain against her window pane roused her from her restless slumber. To be honest, Kate didn't sleep at all. She was hoping that with her eyes closed and her breathing even, her body would think she was asleep and she would actually go to sleep.

It might sound dumb but she used to do it when she was a kid and it worked. But apparently, it's getting a little harder to fool her body now that she's older.

Her mind was still racing from the events of the night, her body thrumming with nervous energy that was begging to be released. Remnants of adrenaline from earlier was still coursing through her blood – along with the red wine she and Castle finished off before they headed to bed. Kate thought the alcohol would numb her body to sleep but instead, made it more alert, more awake.

A quick glance at the clock on her bedside table told her it was a little after two in the morning. The rain outside cooled her bedroom drastically and Kate turned over to seek some warmth from her partner. Her left leg and arm stretched out, seeking Castle's warm body but instead found the sheet on his side of the bed cool to the touch.

Kate propped herself on her elbow and let her eyes adjust to the darkness. The duvet on Castle's side was pulled back, revealing an empty spot. A quick scan around her room told her he wasn't in the bedroom either.

Her heart started to race. She knew there was nothing to be worried about. Castle could have gone to the bathroom or to the kitchen to get a glass of water. No need to think of the worst case scenario.

But after the day they just had, she wasn't going to take her chances.

Making sure her gun was still in the drawer of the bedside table, she climbed out of bed. Kate plucked her robe that was lying at the foot of the bed, slipped it on and headed out of the room.

After a quick glance into the living room – and to find it empty – she went into the kitchen where she found Castle sitting at the dining table. The kitchen was bathed in a warm glow of the moonlight, the rain clouds not standing in its way. Castle sat facing the window, watching the rain drops chase each other down the glass, his face awash with shadows that made him look almost threatening.

A full glass of water sat on the table in front of him, untouched.

"Hey," she said as she came up from behind him. She ran her hands across his shoulders, down his forearms and back up his shoulders again, hoping to smooth out some of the rough edges in his posture. Her hands went down his chest until she was hunched over him, her temple pressed against his right ear, chin resting on his shoulder. "Can't sleep?"

Castle's chest rumbled beneath her hands comfortingly as he replied, "No."

She closed her eyes and let the heat from his body soak through the robe and to her skin, warming her. She crossed her arms across his broad chest and pulled him closer, the back of the chair digging uncomfortably into her ribs. Every breath he took caused her to rise and fall with him – as if they were in sync. She dropped her head a little so that her nose was pressed into the crook of his neck. She inhaled, his scent rushing through her nostrils and filling her.

"What's wrong?" she asked against his skin.

"Nothing. You should head back to bed."

Kate opened her eyes and tilted her head so that she was looking at his profile. "Castle, you do realise that you're not a very good liar right?"

His body vibrated under her as he chuckled. "Now she tells me."

"I always thought you knew."

Kate could see a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. She felt his body starting to loosen a little beneath her.

"My mom always told me I couldn't lie to save my life. I didn't believe her. She was an actress after all so I thought it runs in the blood."

"Acting or lying?"

"What's the difference?"

Kate laughed quietly against his neck. "Come to bed with me," she hummed. She pressed her lips against his neck, feeling his strong, steady pulse against her mouth. "It's cold and I need you to warm me up."

Castle turned his head and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "Go on ahead. I'll be right with you."

She released her hold on him and straightened. She pulled out the chair beside him and sat down, knees drawn up to her chest. She tilted her head at him. "I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's wrong."

Castle sighed. He ran both hands through his hair. They stopped at the back of his head and his fingers tugged hard at his hair, knuckles turning slightly white. All anxiety and tension that she thought was starting to slip away seeped back into his posture.

She waited.

They sat like that from a few minutes. The only sound was their breathing and the rain against the window. Somewhere in the distance, a police siren shattered the night. She hugged her knees tighter, every instinct in her body screaming at her to check on her police scanner.

No. She's not leaving him like this. He has been with her countless of times, waiting patiently from her to open up to him, letting him in. This time it was her turn. It was the least she could do after the support and strength he gave her during the last few days. She's going to wait here for as long as it takes for him to talk to her.

Castle must have known she was serious about not going anywhere until he talked for he released the grip on his hair and wordlessly slipped one hand into the right pocket of his dark grey sweatpants. He pulled out something bulky and heavy. In the dim light, Kate couldn't tell at first what was in his hand until he set it down on the table between them. The object made a loud _thump_ on the wooden tabletop. When he moved his hand away, Kate's breath caught and her stomach leapt into her throat.

_Oh god._

Even in the dark the metal of the gun glinted, almost as if it was giving her a sly wink.

Kate stared at the gun wondering if this was some sort of nightmare she hasn't woken from yet. An object so familiar to her suddenly looking offensive sitting on the table like that.

_Oh god._

Kate swallowed, trying her best to force her stomach back down to its original place. "Where did you get that?" she asked, her voice soft, almost inaudible. Her eyes stayed on the gun, hoping it would disappear in the dark of the night if she stared hard enough at it.

"I bought it."

"When?"

Castle shrugged nonchalantly as if she just asked him where he was going to get dinner tomorrow. His answer took on the same tone, "I can't remember exactly when but it was sometime after you were shot."

The gun and the room suddenly went out of focus. Kate felt her chest tighten at his words, at the memory. Her scar between her breasts throbbed. She hugged her legs tighter, hoping to press the ache and memory back.

_Oh god._

She blinked, clearing her vision. The gun was still there on the table. "Why?"

"Because you were shot."

Kate snapped her gaze back to Castle. Anger coursed through her so suddenly that she started to tremble. She jumped to her feet and started to pace the length of the kitchen, hoping to burn off some of the anger. She didn't want to say or do anything she might regret later.

"So all this time," she finally said, keeping her voice as even as she could, "you owned a gun and you didn't _tell_ me?"

"I didn't think you needed to know."

Kate stopped in her tracks and glared at the man seated in front of her. Castle had his eyes trained on the glass in front of him, his fingers running along the rim.

Meredith was right. She didn't know him at all.

"What were you going to do with it?"

"I was going to use it..."

"On who?"

Castle looked up. His fingers stilled.

Then it clicked.

_Bracken_.

_Oh god._

"You've got to be kidding me," she spat. "What were you going to do? Shoot him point black in the precinct with all those cops around? Or at the conference in front of all those people?"

"It doesn't matter," Castle murmured. His eyes drop back to the glass of water.

"Fuck, Castle, of course it does! This is your life we are talking about. What about your mother and daughter? How do you expect me to tell them that their son is a _murderer_?"

Castle snapped his gaze at her, a scowl marring his features. "I'm not discussing this."

"No! You can't just drop a fucking gun on the table and say we are not discussing it."

"There's nothing else to say."

"Tell me why you have a gun!" she cried.

Castle studied her face, the darkness making his face a mask, before saying, "Because I knew you weren't going to let this go. _They_ weren't going to let this go. So I told myself the next time this rear its head again, I'll be ready. I don't want you dying in my arms again. I want to put an end to this so that I can set you free. You think I don't see it but I do – how you freeze whenever you see Bracken on TV or see his picture in the newspaper every morning. Or how your hands shake whenever Gates or one of the detectives at the precinct mentioned his name and the latest good deed he has done for the city. It haunts you every day and it hurts me. It physically pains me, Kate, to see you this way and I wanted it to end. I told myself I would do anything to set you free."

"So you decided to take the coward's way out?" she spat.

Castle's eyes harden. "Nice to know what you think of me."

Kate's eyes searched his face, looking for signs that he wasn't being serious. Signs that this man before her wasn't capable of murder. But the mask stayed on and just like that he became a total stranger to her.

Kate took in a deep breath. "That's not what I meant –"

"Look, I'm not going to defend my actions to you. Not too long ago, you were thinking of doing the same thing by hiding that letter. So you've got no right to judge me. I wanted him dead for what he did to, for what he did to your mom. He's just lucky we solved this when we did. Any longer and –"

"And what? I'm going to have a dead senator on my hands?"

Castle stood, his chair scrapping loudly against the hardwood floor. The sound seemed like it was magnified in the quiet dark, causing Kate to flinch. Without a word, he whirled on his heels and left the kitchen, leaving her with the gun.

Not wanting to be in the same room as the offensive object anymore, Kate scrambled to follow him. By the time she caught up to him, Castle was already shrugging into his jacket. "Castle, where are you going?"

"For a walk. One of us should leave before we say something we'll regret later."

"Castle, it's almost 3 in the morning and it's pouring outside."

"I'll be fine. I..I just need some time."

"Rick. Please."

Kate wasn't sure whether it was the crack in her voice or that she said his first name but Castle stilled, one hand on the door knob and the other clenched tightly against his thigh.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to recover herself. Her heart started to race and her eyes pricked with tears. Kate mentally kicked herself. She was not going to break down like this. Not now. She was going to hold on until she was sure he was safe with her. Then she'll fall to pieces. But not before then. Not before she knew for sure he's here. With her.

"Please. You can't leave me alone with this," she choked out. "I can't do this without you." Her eyes betrayed her and tears started to fall. And just like a train barrelling toward her, the events from the last few days slam into her. Kate trembled as the last drop of adrenaline dissipated and all was left in its wake was fear and panic. The anxiety that was slowly eating away at her since she stumbled into bed earlier that night bloomed sharply in her chest, making breathing difficult. Her vision swam as her breaths came out heavy and painful.

Kate reached out for the couch next to her and sat down before her legs could give way. Clenching at her robe, she screwed her eyes shut and willed the panic away. A sob escape from her lips as she tried to gulp in some oxygen.

_Oh god. Oh god. Oh god._

The air around her move and Kate felt something brush against her knees. Soft cool hands cupped both her cheeks, fingers wrapping around her ears and neck.

"Kate, look at me."

Kate opened her eyes and found herself staring at Castle. He was seated on the table in front of her, coat off, legs between hers. The mask was gone, only panic, fear and love mingled on his face as he stared at her. "You're fine. You're going to be ok. Just breathe."

Kate gasped, trying her best to keep her breathing under control. Castle pulled them closer so that their foreheads touched. She grabbed hold of his wrist, while she buried her other hand in his hair, locking them in position.

"Castle...I."

"Shh...it's ok. Just breathe."

Kate closed her eyes and felt his warm breath against her face. Kate followed the sound of his breathing, trying to get hers to match.

"I'm right here," Castle murmured. "I'm not going anywhere."

They stayed that way for what seems like forever – their breaths mingling before they inhaled each other. Castle ran the pads of his thumb across her cheekbone in a slow soothing manner, wiping away all the tears that were shed

Slowly but surely, the knot in Kate's chest came undone, her breathing returned to normal and her muscles loosened, leaving only a dull ache. When she was sure she found her voice again, Kate opened her eyes and pulled back slightly, their foreheads breaking contact but not their hold on each other. Castle studied her and she gave him, what she hoped, was a reassuring smile. "I'm ok, Castle."

"You sure?"

Kate nodded. "Guess I'm not over the panic attacks as I thought I was." She tried to laugh, hoping to lighten the mood but instead a hiccup fell from her lips.

"Shall I get your some water?"

"No. Just stay with me for awhile."

"Ok"

Kate leaned forward and their foreheads met again, the pressure causing calm to sweep through her. "You can't do this to me," she finally said. "You can't just leave."

"I'm sorry. I won't."

"I'm not as strong as you are."

Castle chuckled softly, a rush of air hitting her face. "Don't underestimate yourself, Detective Beckett. I wanted to kill Bracken remember? You actually saved that jerk."

"It was because of you that I saved him. I didn't want to disappoint you. I couldn't bear to look at you if I –"

"Shh, Kate. It's over. It's done. We need to move on from this."

"Ok. But promise me something."

"Anything."

"Please don't do anything stupid when it comes to Bracken. Only one of us can afford to be stupid. I don't think our relationship can survive if we both are."

Castle kissed her, his lips warm and familiar against hers. "I promise," he whispered as he pulled away. "Bed?" Kate nodded. They detangled themselves and Castle grabbed her hand, pulling her with him towards her bedroom.

They settled into bed quickly. Castle wrapped a strong arm around her waist and pulled her tight against his broad chest. Kate twined her fingers with his and tucked them between her breasts, their fingers against her scar, her heart. He pressed a kiss into her hair, his lips mouthing words she couldn't hear.

She didn't need to. She knew what they were. Whether it was against her hair or into her skin while they made love or against her lips as he kissed her, she always knew what he meant to say.

With the sound of the rain and Castle's heart beating steadily into her back, Kate closed her eyes and waited for sleep.

_I love you too._

_**A/N: My first Castle/Caskett fanfic. My first fanfic in years. Whew.**_


End file.
